All the Love in Your Hands

It came too soon

2008-06-15T19:47:00.001-07:00

cloud2, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Summer tumbled in the door
I did not see his coming
I ask for time, a little more
My heart, within me, crying

'Your pleads are all for naught' said he
'I hope you do not expect
that you receive much more from me
than those before you met'

I saw the look upon his face
His eyes grew darker still
And with a grin all set in place
He let his anger fill

'Now the time has come for fun'
He pulled me from the door
'You must come out into the sun'
I could withstand no more.

The rays have burned my tender skin
The heat has melted heart
I felt my soul should cry within
To be so far apart

But here am I and there are you
and nothing will allow
that me and you should get to do
What other couples vow

And so, my love, my life, my heart
I say this to you now
I hope we shall not be apart
After summer ends his bow.

I GOT IT!!

2008-06-12T17:57:00.001-07:00

flower1, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I got the counselor position at the Girl Scout camp!

VERY excited that I have a job again. I'll be starting in exactly one week.

Crossing My Fingers Again

2008-06-12T05:13:00.001-07:00

happy, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I have been actively searching for a job. It has been two weeks now and I really don't know what will happen if this goes on much longer.

Luckily, I think that I might have something opening up to me. I was contacted by someone from a Girl Scout Camp after she saw me talking about being too late for Rawhide. They still have positions to fill and I fit the criteria for a couple of them. I have already got in my application and done the first interview. The second interview begins tomorrow morning and I will hopefully know by then what is happening. I would love to have another chance at a summer camp position.

That is not the only reason I am jumping at this though. Let me mention some of the places I have applied to....
Barnes and Nobles
Michaels
Cost Plus
Bed Bath and Beyond
Comfort Suites
Ayres Inn
Grand Pacific Palisades
PetSmart
Petco
Target
Orange County Fairgrounds

As Well as various positions in these cities:
Huntington Beach
Orange
Fountain Valley
Mission Viejo
San Clemente
Santa Ana
Irvine

And some smaller businesses such as:
A music Store
Many many offices
An art gallery
A photo supply company
And a temp agency

This camp is really the first bite I have had that sounds legitimate. I did asked to interview as a photographer's assistant.....but after being asked to meet him in the back of a restuarant and "show him what I've got" I decided maybe this was not the job for me.

It starts next week. It is only two months long.....but......when fall starts up more jobs will open as people go back to school. Especially in places like hotels, barnes and nobles, cost plus, etc. I think I will have better luck next time around.

We'll know within the next couple days.

I see the light?

2008-06-05T23:01:00.001-07:00

lamp, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I may have gotten some luck back.

Although for the past two weeks I have been hopelessly jobless, I think I can expect something soon. First of all, I have joined a temp agency and I am working on finishing up with the full registration, background test and assessment tests. Should this be the best choice for me, I think it will be a good one. I will definitely be making myself available to more positions. They also know how to better package people's resumes for office positions.

The other good news came from the ACA (American Camping Association) forums. I had joined these forums when I was interested in applying to Rawhide. In fact, I had started a thread originally asking if anyone knew if it was too late in the season to be applying for camp jobs. The people on there are so friendly and talkative, I continued posting there with the updates I was getting on the position. Yesterday someone posted a reply on that thread letting me know that the girl scouts of San Diego have two summer resident camps that are still taking in people. Of the positions are Unit Counselor, Wrangler Counselor and Arts and Crafts Specialist. The person suggested I apply and made sure to assure me they DO have positions. So, hopefully I will be hearing back from them too.

Camp or Temp, I will be continuing my attempts to get jobs with both. We will see what happens. I think I would take the camp job over the temp job if offered. Unless I would need to commute daily....which is a no.

Ah, forgot to mention that there are two camps they are filling positions for. Both are in Julian. One is more of an outdoor experience with platform tents, riding horses and sleeping under the stars. The other one has air conditioning and heating in the units.

Yummy

New Puppy Video

2008-05-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

Rawhide Ranch

2008-05-19T15:54:00.001-07:00

goats, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I used to attend a summer camp called Rawhide Ranch. It is a wonderful camp out in Bonsall with horses, goats, sheep, llamas, chickens, pigs, etc etc etc. There are classes about animals, riding lessons, group activities, archery, riflerey, and driver's ed! (For horse-drawn carriages.)

Lauren and I went at least once a summer for years. It was a major part of my childhood. I learned a lot there and I still keep very fond memories of everything I experienced.

The transition to the new job was bothering me. The Ayres hotel doesn't feel right to me. I kept looking for other job opportunities and the idea to work at Rawhide came to me! I had tried many times in the past. But now it would work out for me. Thomas supported the idea from the beginning and now I actually have beneficial reasons for working there as a counselor.

There is only a slim chance that I will get in. They are not sure they even have a position open and I am not sure that I could get it. But, in case they do and in case I have a chance at it, I have been working hard to prepare. I just got my CPR certification and I will get my certification for water safety next week. I've also found some great resources for activities.

I have daily checked forums on camp counseling, even going back into much older posts looking for any tips or help I can get should I face any problems as a counselor.

I have been trying to brush-up on my child development and psychology. That coupled with what I have learned of operant conditioning should help out.

I will hopefully find out tomorrow if I have a chance for a position. There are many reasons I would like this job. I would love the chance to make a difference in the lives of my campers, just as my counselor's made a difference in mine. This would also help me in future supervisory roles. After all, if you can handle a group of 9 year-olds every week for two months, you should be able to handle adults. Not to mention the job requires heavy responsibility and accountability. You can't call in sick. You are there 24 hours a day most days and you have lives (and young feelings) in your hand.

So, please, anyone out there who reads this, cross your fingers for me!

My New Family

2008-05-10T12:05:00.001-07:00

sleeping, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I got a new job. Well, sort of, I should be getting a new job.

I applied to many places around Orange County. I heard back from a couple. One was my first choice amongst the places I applied. It is a hotel in Orange. It is pretty similar to the hotel I am at now. Should work out alright.

I got the news on Friday. I will be giving my two week notice soon. That won't be fun. I really do like my job the majority of the time. The bad times are minimal. It's the drive and the gas prices that are making the decision for me. It is an extra several hours I am away from home. And, with the rising gas prices, it is just not reasonable to commute so far for what is basically an entry-level position.

We will see how the new place works out. I don't know why, but I am not as excited about this job. I'm going to give it a shot, but if it is not a comfortable fit after a good amount of time, I will keep looking.

New Ring

2008-05-05T18:33:00.001-07:00

Copy of color, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Just wanted to post a picture of the lovely ring Thomas got me. :)

Noodle

2008-04-28T15:49:00.001-07:00

Noodle, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

^ I wish I could as relaxed as Canoodle is right now.

My parents, grandma and great grandma are coming to dinner tonight. Despite my efforts, my house is still a bit of a mess. It's not terrible. Thomas and I have been tackling the kitchen off and on all weekend. Most of the dishes are clean.

It's mostly just STUFF. Stuff is everywhere. There are chargers here and there, onions on the table, the picnic basket fell onto the ground by the doorway, clean laundry on the chair ready to be put away, tons of dirty laundry in every room, kitty litter around the bathroom, the shower needs to be cleaned and the toilet should be scrubbed. Those are the dirtiest jobs ahead.

Between the heat and my headache (and the fact that Thomas is at work,) I keep having to motivate myself. The best way I have found is just telling myself. "Ok, for the next half hour don't clean. Just move things to where they belong." Even with that plan in mind I get sudden urges to grab the windex and sparkle up whatever area it was I was working in.

I am also expecting my wedding ring today <3 Thomas bought it for me. Here it is!! UPS said to expect it today. Sometime before 4pm??

*looks at the clock*

It is 3:50 now, I am going to go check as a break from cleaning.

Great Fun

2008-04-28T11:48:00.001-07:00

turkeyvulture, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I was able to make it to the volunteer orientation meeting. It was more of a tour than anything else. The actual volunteering won't begin for a while for me. We have a bunch more paperwork to fill out, fingerprints to get done and another "official" orientation meeting to complete before we can even ask about being volunteers.

But, the tour was priceless. Mary Crede, who is in charge of the volunteers, was very nice and let us all know many times that the work is dirty, physical and not very animal involved. That didn't seem to bobther anyone there.

We got a back-stage tour of the zoo and some more information about the animals that I didn't know. The ocelot, Ozzie, is a confirmed bachelor who enjoys his solitary existence. More often than not, he can be found sleeping in the highest hollow log. The red-tailed hawk was kept in an old-school style exhibit (meaning mostly concrete and bars) for 20 years. She was let into a new enclosure 2 weeks ago and, while it frightened her at first, she now loves the fact that she can be in the sun and she flies all of the time.

The bald eagle from the San Francisco zoo is in poor shape, when they got him years ago he was missing his right eye and his right wing is broken beyond repair. He cannot fly. The male mule deer was castrated too early by the vet students at Cal State Davis. They did it in the wrong season and now his body doesn't function like it should. His antlers should shed each year like most deers, but they don't. They are disfigured and occasionally bleed when they are hit. The male mule has lost 30 pounds this last week after his life-long mate passed away. They aren't too sure how he is going to come out of it.

We were introduced to one of the mountain lions. He was a beautiful cat that came back to the holding area at the call of his keeper (he was looking forward to food.) While he did hiss a lot, we were told he is one of the friendlier mountain lions you will find in captivity. Even as such, nobody ever enters the enclosures with them or the bears.

Speaking of the bears, I got to feed one! Sure, just some grapes and a bit of banana. But, how awesome! The bears are now some of my favorite animals at that zoo. After seeing all the character they have, wow.

We got to hear a little about each animal there. Some of it surprised me. Like, the turkey vultures are frightened of any people that attempt to get near them. I had always assumed carrion-eaters would have a little back-bone....but I guess that is why they eat the dead, right?

Sickness

2008-04-25T19:32:00.001-07:00

Pony, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Thomas and I have both been sick the past couple of days. Mostly very bad sore throats, coughing and a slight fever. It doesn't feel good. My energy has been zapped. Which is sad because tomorrow is the volunteer orientation at the zoo.

I'll go whether there is rain, hail or zombies....I just wish I had more energy for it. It's only 2 hours. When I went to the store, I got dizzy and had to sit for a while. Hopefully, that won't happen again. The zoo is small though. We get a backstage tour, they tell us what the various duties are and we talk about scheduling (I believe.)

My mom and grandma are coming up on monday for dinner. Thomas and I are going to make our favorite spanish rice recipe with enchiladas.

Unintelligent Public

2008-04-18T21:50:00.001-07:00

Goat...Baaaaah, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I recently had someone call to make reservations at our hotel. The conversation went as follows:

Myself: Thank you for calling Inns of America Suites, this is Allison, how can I help you?

Guest: Yes, I was just on your site and I was trying to make reservations. When I got to the payment section, it said it was not a secure site and I don't want to put my credit card in there.

Myself: But you are alright with providing your credit card number over the phone with me? Because I do need to have one to confirm your reservation.

Guest: Yeah, that's fine, I have it right here.

Myself: Do you mind if I ask where you got our phone number?

Guest: Oh, on your website.

It's a Gamble

2008-04-15T20:13:00.001-07:00

Diced, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

We have an employee at work who has performed poorly since she has arrived. There have been numerous complaints about her by co-workers and we find mistakes from her all of the time.

While my Assistant General Manager was on vacation, we had someone who came to me with a verbal complaint. I took notes so that I could go over it with my AGM when she returned. Some of the things on the list were "Seems uncaring, talks on the phone?, may come to work hung-over, drawer shortages, reservation mistakes..." etc. After I had talked about it, I thought I disposed of it. I guess I didn't

The employee found the list and called me to say she was "hurt by it." I claimed I had no idea about the note and I wouldn't until I saw it and spoke to my AGM about it. I am sure she didn't believe me, saying she thought it looked like my handwriting. Now, I couldn't tell her those wee not my opinions. The person making the complaint wanted it to be confidential. I couldn't tell her we plan on firing her within the next week. I couldn't say I knew about it but couldn't talk to her....it obviously had to do with her.

It's bugging me a lot. I know it was my mistake that the note was not fully disposed of. I am trying to prevent another mistake from occuring on my part.

Although, part of me has said, "She makes your job SO much harder, she doesn't communicate with you and (besides leaving the note out) you have done nothing wrong. Also, she will be gone soon and all from her own doing." Money missing from the cash drawer on her shift, failing to follow procedure, unresponsible behavior at work, talking on her cell phone at the front desk....I could go on.

As soon as I was off the phone with her, I called my AGM and told her the story on her voice message. I will confess to mistakingly allowing her to see the note. I don't believe I did anything else wrong.

I just still feel like crap.

Frigg'n Kitty

2008-04-12T12:27:00.001-07:00

Frigg, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Thomas has to take these classes that are being offered by the state for his field. They take up a large part of our saturdays together. Which is a little sad, Saturdays being the only day that we both have off work. Normally our Saturdays consist of a trip to the local zoo, Boomers, a movie or the like.

We might still try and have a private bonfire, just the two of us, a fire and some s'mores.

Only two more weekends and we will be free!

I'm hitting trouble with my college. When I had applied for admission, it was during the spring intersession. Nobody could sign up for summer yet. So, when the summer term did become available, I went to look for classes and found that I was being rejected! Since I had not applied for the summer term and I had not actually attended classes for spring, I need to re-apply. The application process takes a couple of weeks.

So, while I wait, I figured I would look at the classes and try to pick out the ones that I could take.

Well, since I visited the counselor, I have a better idea of which classes exactly I need to take. None of the pnes I know I need are available to me right now during the summer sessions. Either because the course is not offered in summer or because I haven't finished the assessment tests for math and english.

I am guessing that is what I need to do next. Come Monday, I should be signed up for both math and english assessment tests. I need to get studying in math.

Spices

2008-04-11T09:32:00.001-07:00

Last night Thomas got the urge to make some home-made mexican rice. He loves mexican rice but the last time he tried it home-made his mom had done it up. She ruined it! He was a bit skittish about trying it himself because of this.....but the need for good mexican rice over came that and so last night we started.

He went to the store and got all of the ingredients for the rice and some home-made chicken enchiladas. Once he came hom we got to work on it. I was in charge of browning the rice in olive oil while he put together the enchilada sauce. The chicken was boiling on it's own. We decided that didn't need as much attention.

We both discovered that we love the smell of cumen.

As the spices were stirred and heated, we began drooling. It smelled wonderful already (and, the morning after, our kitchen still smells wonderful!) Getting the enchiladas read in the pan was much harder so we resorted to layering the ingredients, like my cousin, Tiera, does. That worked fine.

Everything came out and tasted amazing. We stuffed ourselves. It was worth every bit of work put into it. The only problem being that I doubt I could eat mexican rice from places like El Pollo Loco again.

Mountain Lion

2008-04-05T12:53:00.001-07:00

mountainlion, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I've talked to the college counselor. There is a lot of work ahead. We have to "fix" some of my old, bad grades I got at Palomar and I have to take a lot of classes before I even begin to think about transferring to a four year. (Which, by the way, will be Cal State Fullerton.) But, I have picked out my degree. A Bachelor's in Biology with a concentration in Biodiversity, Ecology, and Conservation Biology.

To tell you the truth, I am one of the last people I thought would be taking classes in conservation. Case in point, one of my favorite non-fictional books is "The Skeptical Environmentalist" by Lomberg. But, I'm actually looking forward to it.

It will be interesting being in a field where conservation is such a major issue. I wonder how many people go into animal care with the kind of attitude I do?

Coyote Yawn

2008-03-29T19:18:00.001-07:00

Coyote Yawn, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Thomas and I went to the Santa Ana zoo today. I was very lucky. Thomas had worked a 24 hour workday from friday morning through saturday morning. Despite all those long hours and work, he was determined to keep saturday "our" day. We spent a couple very happy hours wandering the zoo. Part people watching but mostly animal watching.

I dashed his childhood education by telling him that ponies are NOT baby horses. His mom still thinks that is true. Ha!

I was spoiled rotten today. I loved it.

Chuckwalla

2008-03-28T17:05:00.001-07:00

Chuckwalla, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I've finished the book "Kicked Bitten and Scratched: Life at America's Teaching Zoo" by Amy Sutherland. I loved it. EATM is a very unique program and the book offers very useful insight into the goings on there. While the book is FULL of examples of less than desirable situations, I still crave going there.

I won't be. There are too many negative sides about it. I'm not in a position where I could, but boy would I love to.

I got out of the house today and visited the Orange County Zoo. It is a mere 2.00 for entrance per adult and 3.00 for parking. There are only a hand full of animals and you can easily see them all within an hour. But, it is a charming little zoo. They are under new management and one of the zookeepers commented on his hopes for a better zoo under the new director.

This is the zoo I have already scheduled the volunteer meeting for. I'm looking forward to it. Especially if there will be changes made. I would love to help make some differences there.

Talking to several zookeepers has proven that most get their start by already being part of the zoo. Either as a volunteer or as an intern...or a mix of the two.

Thomas and I will be heading over to the Santa Ana zoo. This is where I'd like to take my second day of volunteering. They have a large collection of monkies. Should be fun!

One Step Closer

2008-03-22T05:24:00.001-07:00

07260061, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

There is a meeting on April 26th at the Orange County Zoo for people interested in becoming volunteers. I REALLY hope that going to the meeting will result in volunteer work! Volunteering and having experience in zoos is such an amazingly vital part of becoming a zoo keeper.

It sounds like the biggest thing is being available and meeting some of the requirements. I hope I can fill both, I really do. Sorry to sound so desperate. But, I guess I am.....no, it's more like a strange combination of desperation and immense hope and excitement. It feels good. It feels right.

In the meantime, I have an appointment with a school counselor to review what I need to do to get an associates degree that will transfer me over to a Cal State school. The plan is to transfer over to Cal State Fullerton and get my biology degree. Bachelors is what I would be aiming at so far.

The school will take a while to get through. Between working full time, volunteering and going to school, even the associates will take several years. But, this was always planned to be a long term goal.

I'm also working my way through a book I got on animal training. Although, these techniques would work on just about everything from self-discipline to marriages to dogs to hamsters. I love it. If anyone else is interested, the book is "Don't Shoot the Dog" by Karen Pryor.

I think that is about it for now.

No, wait. Frigg will be coming home from the vet tomorrow morning. She just got spade and, while I feel bad for her having to go through surgery, I am relieved to know I will be getting full nights of sleep from now on.

I also have a video of the hamster, Czarina.

Introduction to Animal Keeping

2008-03-13T22:43:00.001-07:00

Balding, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

So, I have the applications for volunteer work filled out. I will be applying to the Santa Ana Zoo, the Orange County Zoo and a couple of local wildlife rehabilitation centers. I'm hoping very much someone will accept me. The Orange County Zoo is pretty small. Only about 8 acres and they mostly have animals you would find in the southwest. I keep hoping that the lack of "glamorous" animals will allow for less competition for volunteers. I also have hopes that with the increase of people for summer, places will be taking on more people.

I have also found a college class I could take that would easily fit in my schedule. The lecture is an online course and the lab is at night well after I get home from work. If I work each morning, go to school at nights and volunteer on the weekends, I think all could go well. I will be exhausted but that will just be getting me used to the profession, right?

Czarina waking up

2008-03-13T17:54:00.001-07:00

Czarina waking up, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Czarina is my little diluted russian dwarf hamster. Originally she was named Natasha but I found the name Czarina more fitting. "Female ruler"

I had been so excited about having a hamster again that I forgot that they can be mean.

Czarina started out being very sweet. I don't know if it was because she was so young or because she was still in a bit of shock. After a couple days she did start nibbling though. My natural instinct was to put her back when she would do that. But, while I was reviewing operant conditioning in animal training, I realized what a mistake it was.

So instead of returning her to the pet store I will be trying to train my hamster. We started out today with my new regime. She is only a hamster so I knew the consequences needed to be instant so she could better associate them with the wrong behavior. I doubt that hamster would understand physical abuse or any strange noises so I chose to blow on her until she would stop biting.

It has been working well, she started getting it within the first 15 minutes or so. I am going to continue with the blowing when needed. I also want to work on her running from me when I go to pull her out of the cage, so, from now on I will give her a piece of apple when she has been with me a while and acted well. Apple is her favorite. The apple will only be offered to her when she is out with me. She will have plenty of normal hamster food but no treats unless she has been good.

We'll see how it goes, I have high hopes.

Upc|473

2008-03-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Things are still a little mixed up. A couple boxes left unpacked here, books piled there. But, for the most part, all is well.

Two changes worth mentioning:

I got a hamster!! The pet store had listed her as a female russian dwarf hamster. But, because of the red eyes and light color, I think she is a dilute. She was mixed in with other non-dilutes. I was told she was the sweetest hamster they have and I believe it. She never squirms too much when I go to pick her up, she is easy to handle and she has yet to bite, or attempt to bite, me.

The other update is that I have made a serious decision as to my career. Although not specific, I know that I will be going into working with animals. Ideally, I would like to work in zoos....but I know that is a very competitive field. I may have to start somewhere else and work myself up.

I have been using most of my spare time researching. Trying to figure out exactly what I would like to do exactly, what I would need to get where I want to be and how I can improve my chances of being accepted over other people.

There is a program up in Moorpark. It is based in a community college but the program isn't as open as a community college is. It is a very good program for what I would need in an education. It is 22 months of education AND hands-on experience. More than 80% of their graduates find jobs in the field in under 6 months. Most of the other 20% go on further in their education.

But they only take 50 people a year.

So, in the meantime, I am going to work on fulfilling the requirements needed to apply for the college. I expect this to take a year or two before I am ready. But, that is ok. I need the time.

Most people who want to become zookeepers go and get an associates or balechors degree. Many get some volunteer experience in. I am hoping to go above and beyond that. The job I will have to do to get where I want to be is a long one. I will be trying to get a job at a pound, animal rehabilitation center, or vet office. I will be working toward getting first-aid training. I will try and obtain a handgun safety certificate and training in tractors and bobcats. I doubt anyone would take me on, but I would like to look into joining a taxon advisory group for one of the animal types that interests me.

Crazy stuff.

It's been busy

2008-03-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

We are married now, Thomas and I. After the ceremony at the county clerk's office we had a very small party with family and family friends. It was a very calm and personal reception at the Overseas Chinese restaurant in downtown Carlsbad.

The next morning we went up to see a friend of my mom's concerning a cat they had. She is a very cute little tortoise shell cat. Probably a year old or less. She is with us now and slowly getting used to the apartment. She started out in areas that were more secure. Under the coffee table, behind the couch, etc. This morning she has found more comfort and I woke up to her mewing. I looked down and she was taking a morning sun bath near our sliding glass door. I know she will like it, it's a south -facing window and, for now, we get many hours of sunlight through ought the day.

We have named her Frigg, I find it suiting that not only is this loving cat named "Beloved one", Frigg was also the goddess of married women. How fitting!

The rest of our lives have been pretty ordinary. I have pictures to upload as soon as I get back my camera. We managed to pay all of our bills, our rent and the various other things. Our credit cards have once again been fully paid off. We still have some money left over. I think we will be doing fine.

Consumer Zombie

2008-02-11T00:36:00.001-08:00

Zombie, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I am shocked at the amount of STUFF we need to comfortably move out. As we go we add on more things and with each thing that is added, another needs to be included as well. So far the list of newly acquired items is this:

Fridge
Couch
Ironing Board
Iron
Dining room table
4 Dining room chairs
Chest of Drawers
Vacuum
Set of silverware
Glass jars (For Yeast, of course!)
Wooden Spoons
Dish Strainer
That plastic thing that goes under the dish strainer
Plastic container my mom says we need since we don't have a dishwasher
Oven mitts
Dish Towels
Trashcans
Table Clothe
Glasses
Place Mats
Coasters
Grater (Spelling?)
Frying pan
Cooking utensils
Large glass bowl (For the bread dough)
Yeast (Some from Egypt and some labeled "Yukon Yeast")
Pots
Microwave
Router
Hangers

I think that is it. We also got the wedding invitations and thank you notes. The flowers, wedding cake and decorations will come later. As will groceries and various other things. We don't want to get anymore (especially cooking supplies) untill we have an idea of what might come our way as wedding presents.

Personally...between all of this and having to set-up the various accounts, I am exhausted.

Economic Sunset

2008-02-04T23:56:00.001-08:00

, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

With the looming presidential elections and the beginning to my new life approaching, I can't help but find myself very concerned about the current state of America's economy. The dollar keeps getting weaker, oil prices are on the rise, jobs are being lost, we are becoming even more dependent on foreign products and everything is shaky.

My one positive thought in all of this is "Thank God Thomas helped me get out of debt." If there is a depression, at least we won't owe money. We should be alright, for a while.

I read and research more and just keep finding myself nervous about it all.

Ketchup

2008-02-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

There have been quite a few drastic changes since the last post. It's been a very busy month and the work is not over yet.

We finally held strong and found an apartment we could agree on (Thomas and I, that is.) It's in beautiful Huntington Beach. More inland than coastal. We have a wonderful assortment of shops and restaurants at our beck and call. Apart from commuting to work, I should not require my car much. Which is great news if I happen upon a good spot for parking!

The apartment becomes available feb 12th. Although, for moral/ethical reasons (and to not upset family members) we are waiting an extra 4 days or so to move in. The marriage will be the first day we get off together. Then a family celebration on March 1st.

It's already been a lot of work. We haven't even started packing. I've been the one to call around and set up accounts for renter's insurance, the electric company and our cable/internet services. Valuables have been recorded and photographed, installation times have been set up and all available friend's and family's trucks have been requested.

Now just comes the heavy lifting and organizing, right?

Life's inconveniences

2008-01-24T14:38:00.000-08:00

On a note in our hotel a while back:

"Out of Order

We apologize for the inconvenient
management"

Coincidentally, this was written by someone in management.

Relaxation

2008-01-19T20:39:00.001-08:00

Happy Bear, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Relaxation is something I could really use right now.

Carlsbad has many athletic events through the year and one of the biggest is the Carlsbad Marathon. A running/walking marathon that spans the length of the city and back. We are always listed as one of the recommended hotels and we are always agitated when the event comes around.

The biggest problem is the road closures. Carlsbad has seen fit to close off all the roads along the course more than half an hour before the race starts. Even despite the fact that the races all start several miles away and I doubt anyone would get to our hotel within half an hour. One of the closed roads is the only road that connects with our driveway.

Our shuttle cannot leave the property between 6am and 2pm that day. Guests will have trouble as well, especially if a heavy congestion of runners will be at our area of the trek.

The other problem is with checkouts. How does this sound to you?

~Most guests are only staying one night and that is the night before the race.

~Check-out time at the hotel is noon

~We have already reached our limit for late check-outs

~The race ends at 2PM

~The runners want to take a shower and dress before leaving

I have been scheduled to work the shift with all the check-ins for the marathon as well as the one with all the checkouts. That means I leave at 11PM and have to be back by 7AM. Hopefully I will fall asleep quickly.

Anyway, enough of my complaining about the damn marathon.

Moon

2008-01-19T02:05:00.001-08:00

, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I'm so tired and I wish I could fall asleep.

Alex

2008-01-18T01:33:00.001-08:00

Alex, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I really do like photography. One of my ex-boyfriends never believed it to be a form of art. I could never convince him because, up until now, I didn't have any idea at all of what needed to be done for good photography.

As I read more into it, I feel swamped in all of the technical information. So far most of what I have been trying to teach myself is almost purely technical, nothing creative. Aperture values and how those relate to shutter speed and iso values and such. I also have to admit that I had never noticed how many of my favorites photos are over or under exposed. The underexposed ones are not usually as much of a problem because they seem easier to fix in photoshop.

Overexposure seems to be something I have a great deal of trouble with.I love bright pictures. I love color. I love warmth in pictures. I think that tends to make me try and get brighter pictures. It's what seems to appeal to me. I need to learn how to take colorful, bright pictures that still retain all of the information and textures. I also need to stop over-boosting the highlights when I get to the editing phases in photoshop.

I keep hoping that at some point I will know the technical information so well it will come as second nature. Then I can focus on the angles, compositions, etc that I want. I know I am getting closer. I have tried to throw myself fully into the lion's den. I no longer use the built-in flash and I rarely deviate away to the automatic settings.

Experimenting has been tedious at times but I find it gives better results in the end. I take a lot pf pictures. I take the same picture a couple times with different shutter speeds. I change the angle a bit and repeat. Zoom in, closer, closer. I try a different aperture setting to see how that will affect my background. I'm learning. It's slow.

Commandeering the Bonsai

2008-01-17T00:16:00.001-08:00

Commandeering the Bonsai, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. My plan is to get in some good photography time and also finish up some errands I have let slip thus far.

The photographing will be taking place in the Encinitas Meditation Gardens. It's in the Self Realization Temple down there. Beautiful stuffs., really.

Ant World

2008-01-15T16:30:00.001-08:00

Ant World, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I took this photo today. The original has a much different focus because when I was taking the photo, I didn't notice the ant. When I was editing, I saw it and fell in love.

I wonder what else I would find if I change my focus.

Sucks

2008-01-08T03:17:00.000-08:00

There once was a young girl named Kitty
Who came from a small sort of city
But despite being pretty
She only felt Pity
For she knew her sister more witty

My man

2008-01-01T21:54:00.001-08:00

My man, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

This is my Thomas. All mine. I love him, I adore him and I am a very lucky girl for having him.

Nobody else can touch.

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

<3

I've lost

2007-12-29T23:02:00.001-08:00

waterhalf5, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

The above picture was a submission of mine in a contest called "Underwater"

It was an illustration contest.

I lost. I came in the bottom half of the contest. The first place (or last time I looked anyway) was an entry that had an anime girl in a tight swimsuit and large breasts being pulled down through the water by a bunch of tentacles.

This is the second time I have entered a contest there. Both times I have gone into it believing that I would come out pretty well. Both times, I have been utterly dissapointed.

I know it probably doesn't speak very highly of my sense of humility. I certainly can't say that my reaction has been the most mature. But, I can't help but feel ostracized. Nobody has given me anything but highly positive comments. What did I do wrong?

Breaking the Boundaries

2007-12-25T17:37:00.001-08:00

Breaking the Boundaries, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I'm so hungry!

I am the new front desk supervisor at work. It is mostly official now. I've gone through daily and checked-over all of the reservations made through the front desk, I file, I make change from the safe, when Teresa needs some assistance with things like billing, I help out there.

I think the front desk mostly thinks of me as the supervisor now. I get notes left in my box (I have a box, just not with my name on it yet!) and Bridget has not yet hesitated to tell me of her requirements for scheduling.

This also means that I feel like I have a responsibility to try and help out my co-workers with things. Like, when Bridget says she has trouble getting into work on christmas night and could I switch with her? I have.

This is my first missed Christmas dinner.

Prime rib.

Juicy, succulent, wonderfully amazing.

And little biscuits. Oh my!

Variations and Themes on Jesus

2007-12-14T00:14:00.001-08:00

Variations and Themes on Jesus, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

And so the holiday season draws us further into it's acidic stomach of festivity. (Does that sound poetic enough??)

I never know what to do about Christmas. I always start off fully believing that I will get into the spirit. I buy christmas cards early, I fill some out even! I usually get someone to go with me to go get a tree (the size diminishes each year.) I sometimes buy cookie dough and plan on making festive treats.

About halfway through I get sick of the whole thing.

The cards lay in my desk, the tree half-naked, the presents only partially bought and even less partially wrapped. Good luck making those cookies.

There are always excuses..."I got busy" "The money ran out" "I came down with a terrible cold" "I was busy planning the invasion of a small culture that has been evolving under my bed" But usually, it is just that I really, honestly don't like Christmas that much.

Every year that becomes more apparent. And this year I had Thomas' reasoning to further add to my dilemma. He is right, though, part of the problem of Christmas is the expectations. People EXPECT that you will get them something. Especially the people close to you. Now, don't get me wrong. I like my friends and family. I have no qualms about spending money on them. I just, don't like buying christmas presents.

I do, however, like things to take pictures of.

This is the most festive thing I have done in the last month.

On Luck

2007-11-28T18:10:00.001-08:00

California Sunset, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Luck is such a fickle thing.

I went from winning jackpot on a slot machine and getting a big raise to utterly failing at being able to make a credit card payment.

It's been a weird day

Survivor

2007-11-26T23:30:00.001-08:00

Survivor, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

It seems that Dennis and Teresa had already planned to give me a raise and get me promoted. When I mentioned to Dennis that I wanted to stay under those conditions, he let me know that it was already in the works.

They were going to surprise me.

:)

Complications

2007-11-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

I have been working the front desk at a hotel now for over a year. In general, it's one of the best jobs I have had. The atmosphere here is pleasant and the clientele is pretty friendly. I feel like I get to combine an office setting with customer service. But, as time has gone on, I have seen the flaws. Most of which are in the front desk staff.

This is not something that is very debatable. Everyone knows that the front desk is run poorly, including the people who are usually causing problems. The lack of leadership and the poisonous gossip are the main causes of concern for me. This is why a last week I left my manager a notice for my 2 week resignation.

My managers were a little upset, but not mad. They wanted me to stay and even though they knew and understood why I was leaving, they hoped I would change my mind. They offered me a pay raise and mentioned that a promotion could be worked out. Tired of all the problems and looking forward to a new future in another county, I still opted for the resignation.

Until I talked to more people, that is.

Several of the people here have to face things that they shouldn't need to. Including my managers. But, they are good people and they are here to try and make this work. I do value working under them and I have never come across a problem with our General Manager, Dennis. I know that there will be personal quarrels or hardships in any job I end up getting. I can't continue to run from the positions, I should stick around and also work at making things better.

I spoke to Thomas and it was agreed that I would ask them for a pay raise and promotion to supervisor. If they said no, nothing major would change. I am just out of debt and should have some spare money...so I could afford spending the time finding a new job. If they said yes, well, all the better, right?

Of course, you know once I got into work with this in mind, something had to happen to make me doubt myself. It seems that word got around about some things. Namely, my resignation and the fact that they offered me more money to stay. Most people were surprised but it wasn't a huge deal to them. Michelle, however, took this to heart. She is our current supervisor and the person whose job I was offered back in August. Michelle was highly upset that I was offered more money and the rest of the front desk weren't. Now, I know that is going to cause problems for Dennis and Teresa because supposedly, Michelle will be going to them and asking for a raise.

She doesn't know they would like to fire her, if they could. All they are waiting on is to get another person in here and trained so we can cover all the shifts.

It upsets me to see this. Michelle does the bare minimum of work in the front desk. She doesn't even handle her own position that well. As a supervisor, she is one of the poorest I have seen. Not only does she lack the ability to form any kind of leadership or respect, she doesn't know how to do half of things that are required of her. The reservations often go unchecked before they are stored in the system, the pages for accounting the themepark tickets sales are in shambles, the employees here get away with everything under the sun and she will just pass on responsibility to someone else (or blame.)It's ridiculous. And she wants a raise.

I'm going to talk to Teresa and Dennis this morning and ask that they consider replacing Michelle. I will let them know I would be more than happy to take her job (I'm trained for it anyway) and ask for a raise in pay. I'll be asking for 12.50 an hour and I will go down to 12.00, if need be. After all, our night auditor is making 11.50 and I can do more around here than he can. I have been trained for all the shifts and all the positions except management. Night Auditor, Front Desk, and Front Desk Supervisor. I am the only one who is, right now, able to work a graveyard shift and then come in the next day and handle the billing for our corporate accounts (Besides Teresa.)

I'm crossing my fingers.

Work in Progress

2007-11-23T21:39:00.001-08:00

WIP, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I have been working on this for quite some time now.

I wanted a high quality original image in digital art for a portfolio.

I really hate hair though. I have mostly given up on this one. Sometimes I try and look at it with my vision blurred. That way, it looks complete.

Of Dogs

2007-11-23T21:23:00.001-08:00

Bear Stare, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Our family has always been one to take in rescue dogs. Since my parents were married and I was but a mere thought in their mind, we have been taking them. I came into the world to a house with rescue animals. I grew up raising adult dogs that wandered to our neck of the woods.

That is why after all those unwanted dogs and cats we took, we went out and picked out some of our own.

We own 3 American Eskimos. The first and oldest, Casper, was the last rescue dog we have taken in. We became so enamored with him that we needed to go and get another.

We found a breeder at a dog show. Her dog had one second place in it's breed and as we talked to her, we got to meet him. He was a loving dog and all that we were looking for. It was decided that we would keep a female offspring of his.

The puppies came and when we entered that pen and 6 round fluffy puffballs surrounded us, we knew we were not leaving with only one.

By the end of the whole thing, we came home with two. One female, Yasha and a male, Bear.

These dogs have meant a lot to us, and everything to my mom. She has taken them on as her second set of children.

I think she knows that pretty soon I will be getting married and moving out...and Bob is going to college during the first part of next year.

Ghost of a boyfriend

2007-11-23T19:02:00.001-08:00

Ghost of a boyfriend, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

Thomas, my boyfriend, has an amazing amount of patience with me. He also seems not to mind my strange requests.

"Alright, when I tell you to, jump off the couch as quickly as you possibly can"

Perhaps he just likes the involvement, maybe he saw it as a challenge. Probably, though, he just loves me.

Bonsai Stock

2007-11-23T18:54:00.001-08:00

Bonsai Stock, originally uploaded by Lostfiniel.

I have an account on Deviant Art. It is an eccentric mix of things I have done over the past several years. Multimedia, traditional media, photography, and digital works. Now and then someone besides one of my friends will add a work into their favorites. Sometimes a random comment here or there.

Usually my stuff goes unnoticed to the general public on there. The fact that I don't try hard at communicating or getting myself out there doesn't help any.

Yet today I logged in to find that I had 322 messages. Once checked, I found that they were mostly people adding my work to their favorites. And, for the most part, they were adding my bonsai stock image.

I was amazed.....

And then I noticed that I was featured on the site. I had a daily deviation.

""Bonsai Stock by ~Lostfiniel has managed to capture both the simplicity and beauty of nature in one fantastic, clear and high-resolution stock image. The soft neutral tones, the crisp clean lines and the way the light hits the plant could call it artistic in its own right.""

On the subject of creatures

2007-10-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

Growing up was quite an experience in this neighborhood. We live between the ocean and a city-protected swamp (of sorts.) While we were not teeming with wildlife, it was certainly a part of our life here. My memories of summer nights would not be complete without the sound of crickets and the occasional soft hoot of an owl. The days could bring sights of red-tailed hawks, blue herons and white egrets. Morning doves crowded into the bird feeders and mockingbirds usually annoyed those of us trying to sleep.

Perhaps it was becoming independent that did it to me. Or may be the fact that I am in-doors now more than I was then. I failed to notice the wildlife leave. We still have the mockingbirds and even as I listen now, I can hear the crickets. The rest are rarely present. Some would like me to discuss how the expansion of our businesses led to their downfall, that the growth our city is experiencing kills off land which is vitally important to the daily lives of such creatures.

If I am right in this, then I must also apologize, because I won't be saying that. In fact, our neighborhood has experienced little growth unless it is a new building on an old building's lot.

No, the real culprit can be found in the space left by the absent animals. I am speaking of crows. The crows here have been reeking havoc on the other forms of wildlife. Egret, hawk, morning dove and owl eggs have all become victims of these menaces and I have no doubt that there are others of which I don't know yet.

It is a scenario some of my neighbors have taken to heart. One such neighbor has purchased a gun and kills as many crows as he can. We applaud him. We also join him with our .22 when we can.

Damn crows.

2007-10-02T05:28:00.000-07:00

All the signs are there
I did not exist
Underneath the stars and comets

Far beneath the sun
Eyes can see
Anything they want to believe

I was breathing on the oxygen that’s left
I surrender
Put my hands up in the air
I waited for you there

But you left an everlasting breath
I saw the cold air
You wrap me up that way
With all the love in your hands

-Thirteen Senses

Letting Go

2007-10-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have had an outlet of this kind. In the past, the blogs I have had were fairly inconsequential. I wrote what I thought was expected of me as opposed to what I needed to write.

Recently, I have been craving the freedom of expression writing allows. I will start typing out something to post on myspace or facebook and it feels so pointless. I need a place of my own.

Voila!